Lessons from my Mom

My mom passed away Thanksgiving morning of 2023.  Her health had been failing for the last half of the year, and a few weeks before her death she informed us that God told her it was time to come home.  I’m thankful for all the time I got to spend with her in what became the final years.  I’m grateful for my family and friends who’ve been so supportive the last several months.  God gave me a great opportunity to spend time with my Mom and I don’t know why, but I feel I’m supposed to share it with others.  Below is what I spoke about at my Mom’s celebration ceremony.  

I’d like to share with you a few of the lessons my mom tried to teach me. You see, I think that parents often times teach their kids the lessons they need to learn, not necessarily the lessons they want to learn.

My sister and I are different in many ways. Sherilyn was born brilliant, beautiful and talented.  Lessons that my mom needed to teach her I suspect were comprehended and applied quickly - mine took a little more time.  I’m more of a “trial and error” type of guy. When talking about my sister and I, my mom would often  say, "Well…Calvin got good grades, too, but he had to study.”

First lesson. When kids are laughing and making fun of you, they aren’t doing it to somebody else. I didn’t know what my mom meant when she would say this  to me because I never thought anyone was laughing and making fun of me.  Turns out they were; I just didn’t realize it. Lesson learned.

Next lesson. When I would complain about people or situations my mom would simply say to me, "Calvin, not everyone has grown up with the same advantages as you.” Again I had no idea what this meant. Our family was not one of extravagance or nice things and fancy cars. So what could this possibly mean? Well, it took a little more time and context for me to learn that two people who loved each other, loved God and loved their family - created a safe place. That place is called home, and no matter what happens in life, no matter what comes your way, you have that safe place to go back to.  As I’ve lived life, I’ve realized my mom was so right.  Not everyone grows up with the same advantages that I did.

The next lesson took a lifetime of modeling for me to really get.  My Mom taught me to be tough, and she was very tough.  When I would whine or complain about having to do something my mom would almost always say to me, "Toughen up kid”.  I never liked hearing it because I knew what it meant. It was said by someone who entered a biracial marriage in 1960 much to the displeasure of her parents.  It was said by someone who supported an entrepreneur at a time when that was not a nice word. It was said by someone who continually volunteered and marched and protested for what she believed was right. It was said by someone who lived 23 years without the man she loved. When I heard, "Toughen up kid,” it meant I had to do the hard thing. My mom always sought to do the right thing. The right thing is often the hard thing, and to do the hard thing requires one to be tough. Let’s call this one - Work in progress.

The last day my mom and I spent together we were streaming River Valley Community Church service. Sundays had become our time together. Our time together became church and church became spending time with Sherilyn and her family. So on our last day that’s what we were doing. It wasn’t that long ago spending time like that was the last thing I would’ve been doing on a Sunday. So you see in the end I came back home.

The last lesson my mom taught me was never, never ever give up on your kids.